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I’m not for a minute suggesting that you let your child treat you disrespectfully.

I’m suggesting you act out of love and connect with empathy, rather than anger, as you set limits.

You could respond to her raising her voice at you by angrily insisting on respect, but you would drive your daughter away.

Not knowing what to do with their tumultuous feelings, tweens and teens often act out towards the people they feel safest with: their parents.

Twelve year old girls can be moody, overdramatic, self-centered, focused almost solely on friends, close-mouthed, surly, back-talking and condescending to parents.

One study found that tween boys looked forward to adolescence and the strength, power, independence and prestige they would develop.

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Related: A (Not So) Surprising Factor in Raising Confident Girls Tips to make parenting your tween girl less dramatic, and more delightful: 1. You cant parent the way you did when she was little; it just isnt appropriate or effective. Youll get no respect if she doesnt feel connected to you.

If she gets testy, thats a signal that you need to adjust your parenting style. Fight like the dickens to stay close to your daughter. She still needs you, she just can’t acknowledge it. Hug her hello every morning, and when you see her again later in the day. She may not “need” tucking in at night, but that shouldn’t stop you from lying down next to her to discuss her day and having a few minutes of quiet connection.

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